Christmas where is your joy....

So I threw a Christmas party tonight. I was so excited, I got a new dress and spent a whole bunch of money on the supplies for a gingerbread house making contest (That turned into one massive gingerbread house) and I was cleaning and getting ready for the past 2 days. Hardly any sleep was slept last night. I was so excited. And then the party runs aground. A whole bunch of people called last minute saying they were going to be really late or only be able to stay for 30 or 40 minutes or they just couldn't come at all. Nearing the start of the party when I was getting these calls, texts and e-mails, I realized how heavily I depend on the integrity of others. Hoping and praying that they will keep their word and be there for me. Is that selfish? Is that wrong? I seriously don't know. I feel like a major loser because I know people didn't enjoy it- which made me realize how heavily I depend on peoples' approval. Not at my physical appearance, but my emotional and social capabilities. Or rather in-capabilities. I pride myself in throwing enjoyable, well thought out parties where people feel relaxed and entertained. I thought I could throw one all by myself without a hitch. But I ended up with far too many to count. Which brings me to this song by Relient K;

 I hope it snows this week,
A snow flake on your cheek
Would make this Christmas so Beautiful
But that would just bring the pain
Cause things can’t stay the same
These Holidays won’t be wonderful

I was trying to figure out why all of these petty things were such a big deal to me. And I feel like I want the holidays to be filled with as much Joy as they can be. A time where life can stop and people can see beauty in things. But the beauty is in the life. The small broken stepping stones that are cracking beneath you, make you that much more thankful for the solidity of a wholesome stepping stone. Does that even make sense? I'm not pleased with how tonight went or with how dumb and petty I'm being. But I'm glad for the learning opportunity. I'm glad for the experience. I guess that's what God meant when He said to give thanks in everything. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Not necessarily thankful for the circumstance itself but for the opportunity the circumstance brings. Everything has a hidden door.

 "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem a turned it into an opportunity."  

~Joseph Sugarman  

So here I am...trying to be thankful. Looking for the opportunity.

(P.S. I'm really sorry if this sounds incredibly selfish. I just need my thoughts out of my head. :/)