So I haven't blogged in a while. Mostly for lack of ability to formulate clear thoughts and the execution of said thought. There is SO MUCH on my mind...but it's like a jigsaw puzzle in that noggin' of mine. I only have pieces of thoughts and they are all floating around looking for a continuation. So if this blog is kind of random- that's why.
I've been really focused on dreams lately. My Dreams. My hopes and desires or the future. The hopes and desires that God has for my future. Attacks on my future. I know I'm supposed to be a wife and mother first and foremost. Not only a mother for my children but also for the motherless and orphaned in this world. I know I'm supposed to work to inspire and instill hope into girls and women of all ages and I'm so excited to pursue that! But I'm really hesitant to have kids all of a sudden. I've been nannying some kids these last few weeks, and I walk away so tired and emotionally drained, that I don't see the worth in it. I'm being brutally honest here. I know that kids are a blessing and a miracle but it scares the POOP out of me. I feel so bad for parents, how do they function? 6 hours and I'm ready to sleep for a week. I KNOW that kids, babies, teenagers are a GOOD thing. But I can't get past the years of crap that parents have to go through just so that they can help their kids succeed. I have so many doubts and fears but I know that the reason I have so much anxiety about this is because the Devil is trying to discourage me from fulfilling an important calling that God gave specifically, with love, to me. I've known that being a good wife, mother and homemaker is my main calling. It's not fancy or easy- it's rough, exasperating and draining. Right? But it's beautiful..........right? I really want to have kids. I'm excited! I hope that when I find out that I'm carrying that tiny little person in me- a soul- that I will feel like I can conquer anything and that I would do absolutely anything for the little one. I hope that all those long nights will turn into nights of intersession for this babe. I hope that we don't ever fight. I hope that our relationship will be stuff of legends. I hope so much. I hope....
God please give me clarity, strength and hope for the future. Show me children through Your eyes- because mine are clouded. Forgive me for the lies I believe about this subject and open my eyes to the Truth. For YOU are Truth.
With Love,
Your Kid
I've been really focused on dreams lately. My Dreams. My hopes and desires or the future. The hopes and desires that God has for my future. Attacks on my future. I know I'm supposed to be a wife and mother first and foremost. Not only a mother for my children but also for the motherless and orphaned in this world. I know I'm supposed to work to inspire and instill hope into girls and women of all ages and I'm so excited to pursue that! But I'm really hesitant to have kids all of a sudden. I've been nannying some kids these last few weeks, and I walk away so tired and emotionally drained, that I don't see the worth in it. I'm being brutally honest here. I know that kids are a blessing and a miracle but it scares the POOP out of me. I feel so bad for parents, how do they function? 6 hours and I'm ready to sleep for a week. I KNOW that kids, babies, teenagers are a GOOD thing. But I can't get past the years of crap that parents have to go through just so that they can help their kids succeed. I have so many doubts and fears but I know that the reason I have so much anxiety about this is because the Devil is trying to discourage me from fulfilling an important calling that God gave specifically, with love, to me. I've known that being a good wife, mother and homemaker is my main calling. It's not fancy or easy- it's rough, exasperating and draining. Right? But it's beautiful..........right? I really want to have kids. I'm excited! I hope that when I find out that I'm carrying that tiny little person in me- a soul- that I will feel like I can conquer anything and that I would do absolutely anything for the little one. I hope that all those long nights will turn into nights of intersession for this babe. I hope that we don't ever fight. I hope that our relationship will be stuff of legends. I hope so much. I hope....
God please give me clarity, strength and hope for the future. Show me children through Your eyes- because mine are clouded. Forgive me for the lies I believe about this subject and open my eyes to the Truth. For YOU are Truth.
With Love,
Your Kid
