It's Fall, ladies and gentlemen! I love fall. I love the colors. The smells. The general energy of people is just refreshing. It's that in-between season that everybody loves. They get to change  their wardrobe up a bit, Pumpkin Spice Lattes come out (That, alone, would be a good enough reason to call Fall my favorite season), the leaves change but the grass is still green. I feel like there's so much packed into this short (very short in Colorado) season!
      I'm currently at my office, looking out the window and there are 4 trees I can see from my seat that are all changing. But they aren't all changing the same. They aren't even changing in a similar cycle! One of them is small. The green leaves on it are randomly changing into a sunshine yellow. And then to my right, an even smaller tree. It's forest-green leaves are changing to a deep orange-red- but only on the right side. Primarily where the sun hits it. Then we have the littlest tree in the distance. It's turned to a beautiful honey-yellow with just one or two orange leaves.
      Then we have my favorite. The maple. A beautiful big tree with deep red leaves. It was the first to change. It's also the fullest tree. It just simply brings me happiness. I'm constantly hearing people complain about the fact that the days are growing shorter, it's colder, it's gonna be "ugly" all the time. Though some of those are legitimate, let's think about all the wonderful things that come from fall! For instance, no more dry-hot days that spark fires. The excitement of snowy days and making chocolate chip cookies whilst drinking cocoa. The movie White Christmas. The changing of the leaves! The opportunity to wear navy on your nails. Happy happy! Scarves. Mittens. Coziness. I LOVE FALL. There's really nothing deep about this blog. Just remember that there is beauty in every season. No matter what negativities may loom- there's still color in the leaves or crisp snow on the ground. It's easy to look past the cold when you can see those things. And \another thing- Seasons are really wonderful when they're time comes and goes as planned. It's when those seasons drag on that it gets annoying. Kind of like life, yeah? We love the changes until we're used to it. So let's just learn to enjoy it. Find the beauty in every time and you will NEVER dislike a season. 

Enjoy this!

XOXO

From walls to water

Highs and lows. Friendships and work. Family. Balance. Confusing? YES.

I am sitting in my room alone. For the first time in over a week. I'm alone. I've been running with my friends or I've been working. I'm out till I fall asleep and then wake to work again. It's a mixture of liberation and exhaustion. I'm not quite sure how to deal with it yet. I find myself sad when I'm alone. Also confused when I'm accompanied. Companionship, I'm learning, is a chore as well as a blessing. I read my Bible today, for the first time since returning from Australia. The first verse I read was about God tearing down walls. Grinding them to ash at our knees. I've never been one to have good, honest relationships. They haven't been bad, but neither have they been fruitful. The have simply "been". Why? Walls. I've have put up so many walls that I've created a room. A happy little room where inside it dwells only things I allow and recognize as "good". What a very sad thing it is. What a boring, white and sterile little room. God said he will tear down the walls and they will become ashes.  And I think of this quote;

"There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect."

~Ronald Reagan 

 I also always think of the lotus flower (I know, a tad cliche- Bare with me) The whole excitement over the lotus flower is that it blooms in mud. It's regarded as mystical. It's roots begin in the mud, then slowly it pushes it's way out of the mud and through the water where it blooms in the warm sunshine. That, in my opinion, is how a good, lasting relationship should look. It's starts off a tad rocky, you can't see where you're going. You may not know if you're even growing upwards. But at some point you figure out the sunshine is, indeed, in front of you and you need only push a little further. Then you reach the sunshine. The warm and nutrient sunshine. Then your relationship blossoms.

Now translate that over to a personal level. I, personally, have been through mud this last year. It's only been in the last month or so that I've entered the "water" stage. That's a purifying stage, I think. And I'm still in that. But I'm hoping that very soon, I will propel towards the sunlight. I see rays here and there. But it's fleeting. I want the full-blown heat of the sun. I want to blossom and bloom into the person I was created to be. I want my friendships to bloom in a way that they've never bloomed before. 

The other stellar thing about the lotus flower? It has the potential to overrun it's aquatic environment. Like a boss. Once it reaches the sun, it just soars. It spreads all it's little seeds and they all grow and flourish and soon enough, what once was a muddy lake is covered with beautiful big flowers....Alright. Bring it on. I'm ready. I'm ready for relationships that are real. Raw and difficult. But out of that comes beauty. Out of the mud comes the blossom. That'll be me one day. And I really can't wait. 

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.

~Jim Rohn 

Life.

I'm at my job. In an office. Learning what it means to have an "adult" job. "Adult" hours. And "Adult" responsibilities. it's boring, it's mundane, it's stressful. There is very little return for an "adult" job, aside from the money. I sat there in a room of stark, white walls, the same music I hear everyday and the faint rustling of the trees outside that I seemingly never get to see, and I thought to myself, Why? Why do we insist on doing things we absolutely hate in order to receive money? I understand needing to provide for your family, pay the bills, etc. But God is the provider. He is also the giver of dreams. And the conductor of life. So, if we let Him, wouldn't he orchestrate something to fit the dreams he's given us, that will also provide? He gave us those dreams for a reason. God doesn't work thoughtlessly. There is a purpose to His plans. And to His gifts! 

Now, granted. This job I believe was a God-send. I needed a good, steady job to get me back on my feet again and earn some money to help pay back my parents, get a car, etc. And I'm still working at it and won't be quitting this job in the next month. But this is for a season. And honestly that's what gets me through the work day. Knowing that this is not going to be for the rest of my life. I sit there in fear sometimes dreading my future if it reassembles anything like this job. I want color, creativity, and LIFE in my life. I want to travel and minister and be the physical hands and feet of God. And yes, I can do that in a chiropractor's office in the Springs. But am I reaching my full potential? Am I reaching MY dreams or am I helping someone else fulfill theirs?

I believe that people are unhappy when they aren't fulfilling their God-given desires and dreams. The most unhappy people I know are in a job, but they start most of there sentences with, "When I was younger I wanted to be a ____________, but life happened". I can't tell you how many people I have heard say this. And it breaks my heart to see the regret and sadness that washes over them when those words leave their mouth. You know they wish they had followed their dreams and not given in to what the world said they had to be. To me, life is exciting! It's God's greatest piece of artwork. He paints our days carefully, with love and laughter. Life is God's greatest gifts thrown into a day. It's culture and people and new beginnings. Each day it's new mercies. New birth. New friendships. New inspiration and ideas! God is NOW. He is new, old and futuristic. Life is learning and exploring!


I want to be successful. I want to achieve and continue dreaming until the day I die. I want to live a life I can be proud of, that has reached many. I want to empower, inspire and invigorate people to reach their fullest potential. I want a store where I can give jobs to people that they will love. A job where it's a family. Where we can come along side each other in good and bad. And a job that can be a stepping stone to someone else's personal dreams! 

My biggest role models have been Walt Disney and Audrey Hepburn for seeing the unseen, creativity and beauty in the world. And they believed in people. That's the kind of person I want to be. They didn't care about obstacles that the world put in their way, instead they saw it as an opportunity to better themselves.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Audrey Hepburn 

When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.

Walt Disney  

I'm Thankful. It's my birthday :)

Today's my birthday. Naturally on my birthday it causes me to look back and reminisce about the past year, major events, sad moments, moments of gratitude  happiness....My 18th year has been filled with those. More than any other year I would say. I've never had so many exciting, life-filled moments. I've also never shed so many tears. I left the country for the first time this year, lived without my family, made new friends, changed my lifestyle several times....tasted my first oyster...I still can't decide if it was good or bad. I also got into a car accident, was confronted with severe panic attacks, anxiety and fear. Was ripped from my comfort zone and thrown to the fire....I was also rescued from the fire. Motivated into action by the fear. Forced to address lies I had been believing.

So much! I feel that I've lived a whole life in this one year. I am thankful and a little bit apprehensive of what this next year will hold. But for right now, I'm abiding in the promise that God has my life in His hands. I am not to worry about tomorrow. I am to enjoy this day. This celebration of life. I've never held my birthday in such honor until this year. Life. I could have been steps away from death. God gave me life. He chooses every day to protect and breath life. Every single day. Every moment. I am so grateful and in complete awe of God's desire to give us life.



I'm also so thankful for my sister. I am one of the few people who is blessed with a twin. A person who will understand you better than anyone. Granted, sometimes too well. And sometimes not as much as we'd like. But ultimately, your best friend, sister, comrade, amigo. I used to spite being a twin. I really don't know why...maybe simply because I didn't understand the blessing. But I do know that now, I am so thankful. And again, am in awe of God and His constant blessing. Alyssa and I have fought battles, sometimes with each other but always for each other. She is my best friend. Always will be! And I dare anybody to come between us. 'Aint gonna happen bro. I love her.

"My sister and I, you will recollect, were twins, and you know how subtle are the links which bind two souls which are so closely allied."  ~Arthur Conan Doyle, The Adventure of the Speckled Band

And I owe a great amount to my parents. I think birthdays should celebrate mothers just as much as the kid. After all, she did all the work. But aside from that, my mom and dad have been exceptional parents. So loving and hard working. My dad works his rear end off to make sure we have everything we need, and my mom gives up her well-being for us. Among other things. It doesn't go unnoticed. And I'd just like to put it out there publicly.


And my wonderful brothers. Christopher, I didn't know well for a while. But I am starting to get to know him and am so ridiculously proud of him. God has a special blessing on him. Watch out world.
And little Matthew...not so little anymore! What a little man! He is a mirror of God's unconditional love for us. I am so beyond thankful for who he is. 

I am blessed. I will not forget. I will not let it go unnoticed. God is my portion and I am thankful.